So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
