Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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