I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
