There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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