I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
