I cut my penus on the lid.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
