Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
