Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
