i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
