I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
no, he came in my armpit
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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