Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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