Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
