he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
