So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
