I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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