member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
