that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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