went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
vagina is talking i cant
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
