So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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