I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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