this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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