I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
