If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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