I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
