I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
