I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
