walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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