I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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