I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
