Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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