you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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