He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Someone came in the potted fern
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize