They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
