the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I miss vodka workout Fridays
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
