Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
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