yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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