I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
All the doctor said was why
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
