My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
