Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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