no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
