It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
