Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
