All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
