I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
