That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
