I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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