remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
