I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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