I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
