Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
