Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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