Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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