I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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