so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
