Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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