If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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