don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
