oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
