If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
