dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
