i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
