My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
