idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
