Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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