His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
