fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
