It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
