I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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