O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just had sex on a roof
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
