I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize