I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Randomize
