Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
There r osticjed everywhere
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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