Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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