I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
