hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
