you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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