Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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