Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
