I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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