Your mouth is God's brothel.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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