When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My ass is underappreciated
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
